It's kind of freaky to think about, because I know that the way I see myself is a bit different than how they see me. And they sometimes see things that I wish they wouldn't: embarrassing things or things I don't like about myself. I wonder what they will remember years from now. "Remember how Mom was always scratching her nose?" I have hayfever. My nose itches a lot. I don't like it, but there you go. "Remember how Mom used to get so impatient with us?" Sigh. I am not as good of a mother as I would like to be. But hopefully they will also say "Remember how Mom always apologized after she got grumpy with us?" Because I usually do. I hope they appreciate that.
There are a lot of things I hope they see about me, that I hope they will remember someday.
I hope they see that I am totally in love with the beauties of this amazing, fascinating world we live on. There's a quote by Marjory Hinckley where she says that if you have intellectual curiosity, the world will always be your pumpkin, full of magic and wonder. Yes, yes, yes, that's me!
I hope they understand that my family is the best thing that ever happened to me and that I completely adore each of them. I am just amazed at the priceless jewel that is each one of my children and the fact that I am lucky enough to have eight of them just thrills me to death.
I hope they have no doubts about my faith in Jesus Christ, and my love of His gospel. I hope they see me doing all I can to serve Him and keep the covenants I have made with Him.
They see me do a lot of things, some of which matter a lot and others that matter less, some that I want to do and some that I have to do. I hope they understand that music affects me profoundly and that I cherish each experience I have to sing in a choir or play the piano. I hope they know that growing things in the garden is a soothing and nourishing experience to my soul. I hope they understand that I have a powerful drive to create and that I find deep satisfaction in making beautiful, useful, or tasty things with my hands. I hope they know that although I struggle with spending too much time using technology, I deliberately choose to do good, uplifting things with that technology.
I hope they remember me as a proactive person. I have faults and weaknesses, but I try to improve myself and I hope they see that.
As I think about this, I think about not only my children, but their children and their children after them. There will come a point where those descendents will not have known me in their earthly life, but they will have me inside them, and when they will find out about what I was like, they will say, "Wow, me too!" That is just an amazing thought, isn't it?
Someday, there may be a great-great grandson who also talks to the moon. A great-great-great granddaughter who collects blue and white china (maybe even has some of mine!) Maybe there will be a little boy generations from now who just loves to collect acorns. Think of me, little one. Acorns are my favorite. I am right there with you.
Wow. Here I am, insignificant little me, here in my little house with my eight little children running around making messes, and I'm caught up in these exhausting days trying to teach them and make them into good humans and that's my whole world right now, and I forget where this all leads. Time will pass and my children will grow up and someday they will be not just parents but grandparents... great-grandparents... my influence will spread outward like ripples on a pond. That's really something to ponder....
Hymn 291 "Turn Your Hearts," verse four:
Turn in love to all your children
Generations yet to be
May your deeds of gospel giving
Temple service, righteous living
Bless them all eternally