Sleep deprivation. Sigh.
I have learned something recently. If your baby has a cold, they will keep you up for a couple hours at night with their snotty nose and cough. You'll feel tired the next day, but it's not too bad. But if you have twins and they both have a cold, you will be up for double a couple of hours at night and you will be the walking dead the next day. And for several days until they get better.
I am grateful my twins didn't have hardly any viral illnesses last winter. Things were hard enough when they were so small. But whenever we move somewhere new we tend to catch all the local brands of virus at first, and so the twins have been sick on and off the last couple of months. A simple cold isn't too bad with one baby, but as I explained above, with twins even a small cold can be a nightmare.
I don't need to go on and on about this... I just wanted to tell you that I'm exceedingly tired and I don't stay up and do computer things after the kids go to bed like I always have. So much that I have wanted to blog about is still stuck in my head.
In fact, I am chronically behind in most areas of my life, as well as being near useless outside my home at this point (like, my one commitment outside the home right now is one very very tiny church calling and I can't even get that done...) I have always been extremely good at time management and staying on top of many responsibilities, so continually flunking because there is just way more than I can handle is not exactly jolly for me. I am up half of each night, I spend precious daytime hours trying to sleep in or get a nap, and all the while there are eight of them and only one of me.
Oh, the messes in my house, and the messes in my yard, and the mildew in my bathroom, and the piles and piles of laundry, and the homeschool that isn't getting done, and the times we eat bread and butter and jam because I just didn't get a real meal on the table (and we only have bread because the Badger bakes it!)
But you know what? When I really stop and think, I remember that I truly love this. I am so grateful for these burdens. Yes, life is hard for me right now. But life is hard for most people. And my hard is that I get to stay at home (in a lovely, comfortable home) and love and care for eight amazing, beautiful children. It's more than wonderful, it's a dream come true.
Last night the twins were wide awake and giggling and playing from 2 am to 3:30 (and that was after tossing and fussing constantly up until 2 am!) And I was beyond tired. But they were so cute! I know this won't last. This, too, shall pass. When it does I am so going to miss the calm, quiet moments in the still of the night feeding and rocking my beautiful babies.
Someday I will sleep again. I do hope it's sooner rather than later, and I also hope that when I look back on this time, rather than dwelling on the negative I can remember it with the fondness it deserves.