Monday, June 1, 2015

Sleep Deprivation

The twins have not been sleeping as well lately and I am chronically sleep-deprived.  Sleep has always been a high priority for me and I do not deal well with a lack of it.  So this is hard for me. 

With my other babies I usually got plenty of sleep, aside from the occasional bad night that is inevitable with kids.  I have always followed the safe co-sleeping rules and kept my baby where I could feed him or her during the night without having to get up.  So while my kids never slept through the night until they were 18 months or so, interruptions to my sleep have been minimal and I have usually woken up in the morning feeling rested.   Which is something I have really needed and appreciated.  

Twins have changed everything.   I have done so many things differently-- not just differently, but opposite of long-cherished parenting philosophies.   So many of the attachment parenting pillars that have always worked so beautifully for me before simply do not work when there are two babies and only one me. 

I don't feel too guilty about it... the babies are well-cared-for and well-loved and they know it.  I do sometimes feel sad that I am not able to do quite as much for them as I would like, but I am also grateful that others can step in and help.   
That can be a really good thing.  For instance, we give Twig a bottle once a day or so.  Not something I have done with any of my other kids, but she needs it, despite my best efforts.  Sometimes she won't take it-- you have to catch her in just the right mood.  But when she has accepted it Fish has had some wonderful experiences feeding her.  It is so sweet to see him tenderly holding her and giving her her bottle.   The love flowing between the two of them is beautiful to behold. 

But the nights have been tough lately.   I am on my own with them at night and if they decide to tag-team waking up and needing me it makes for a long night followed by a groggy day. 

I've had a lot of groggy days lately.   They're not very productive.   I feel very behind the curve. 

I typically do not start my babies on solids until they are older... some have been as old as ten months.  But yesterday I caved in and gave Twig some baby cereal to try to get her to sleep longer at night.  She loved it.  I think she did sleep a little better last night... I am coherent enough to write a blog post this evening.   So today I gave some to Leaf too.  She also enjoyed it.  I am not ready for this milestone,  but I am ready for less disruption to my night's sleep. 

I used to hear parents of twins talk about throwing a big party after they survived the first year.  I would smile and think "that's cute."  Well, I get it now.  Getting to that one year mark will be something to celebrate!   I am halfway there, and I am grateful for that.  

However, I am enjoying them so much. Even in my sleep-deprived fog I treasure every smile and laugh.  I love to hold their tiny little hands.  I wouldn't trade this for the wide world, as any mother knows.  It is harder than I thought it would be but it is also worth every sacrifice.  

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