I keep telling myself over and over, "the only difference between an ordeal and an adventure is your attitude." I hope it will soon start to sink in.
This move is proving tough for me. When I started packing I realized that I am a bit traumatized by all my past moves and everything we do move-related such as boxing and loading brings back all these past memories. And last time we moved I said "never again." Not only was I sick of moving but I loved where we were and I never wanted to leave. Unfortunately we did have to leave, due to circumstances beyond our control that we could not have foreseen. And that move hurt me a lot, even more than selling our farm in Oklahoma, which was pretty harsh. So I go into this knowing that even though I want so badly to settle down in this lovely new house we're moving to and stay put, there is just absolutely no guarantee of that.
But I can see that it was good that we were here when the twins came. It was such an overwhelming experience-- I don't know how I would have made it through without the help I had from my in-laws and others. I was nowhere near strong enough to get through it on my own. I am glad we were here. When the worst of the storm was over and the clouds were lifting, I was filled with an overwhelming desire to go "home"-- back to where we came from, back to our neighborhood and ward and school and community that we were so settled into last year. But there is no employment for the Badger there. So we can't go back. I will cry if I think about it too much.
There is employment for the Badger in Kansas. Good employment. And I trust that, once again, the Lord knows better than we do what we need and where we need to be. Once we get there and get settled I know we will be fine and things will be good. It's the moving process itself that is traumatizing me.
So I keep telling myself that if I don't keep working on my attitude I will miss out on a big adventure. Another big fun yellow truck! Here we go again!