Monday, March 23, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
I was so grateful to be able to attend the funeral. There was a beautiful, peaceful spirit of love there, and something else that I can't quite put into words. The closest I can come is to say that it felt like heaven was rejoicing over a life well-lived.
As I reflected on my uncle's life and the legacy he left, I really saw for the first time the impact he had on my life. He was a great man with many great accomplishments which have been an inspiration to me, such as his military service in World War Two. However, the most important thing about his life was his example of faith and devotion to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He was one who obeyed with exactness, who walked uprightly before the Lord.
When I was a child, he and his wife were so loving and kind to me. They had nine children of their own and I was one of nearly three dozen nephews and nieces, but they cared about me personally. My sweet aunt, who passed away a couple of years ago, was always just bubbling over with love and hugs and smiles. My uncle was much more reserved, with somewhat of a solemn countenance, and yet he would always take the time to have a little one on one chat with me whenever we visited.
As I watched his casket being carried to the grave site, I thought about how rare men of such integrity and honor are becoming in this world. I felt a fierce desire to do my best to raise my children to be honest and upright and valiant, to continue on the legacy of my family, which was so well-represented by my uncle and is also represented by my father and others. I felt incredibly blessed to be a part of such a family, and also that it was a great responsibility to be a part of such a family.
It made me think of a little video clip I saw in college from the Covey organization about leaving a legacy. When I saw the clip, I had such a profound yearning inside to make my life count. But it was hard for me, at age twenty, to really understand how I was going to do that and implement a plan. I have never forgotten that clip because I have been thinking about it for the last fifteen years, trying to piece together exactly what is my mission here on earth and how I am to accomplish it. Some things are obvious: I have always felt that the most important things I would do here on earth were to be a disciple of Christ and a mother. But I have been unsure of the details, and I think and ponder and pray about it a lot. I am pretty sure I am still unaware of some of the major missions my life will hold, but perhaps that is a topic for another post.
So as I'm writing this I decided to look up that video clip on YouTube, and there it was! I highly recommend you go take two and a half minutes and watch it.
At my uncle's funeral I realized that I have been given so many good examples in my family of how to live, love, learn, and leave a legacy. I am blown away by how blessed I am in regards to my heritage, and the older I get the less I take that for granted. All I really need to do is take the baton and move it forward. But that is the scariest thing, because when I think about trying to pass on to my children what has been passed to me it's a little overwhelming.
I am committed to doing my absolute best. I know it won't be good enough. I know I am not good enough by myself-- boy, do I know that! I pray for heaven's help to fill in the cracks with my kids so that they will at least turn out to be decent human beings and hopefully appreciate and try to pass on the legacy of love and faith and integrity and hard work and personal strength that will help them to become all they can be in this life. I worry constantly that I am going to fail at this. And I might. But not because I didn't give it my all.
Friday, March 6, 2015
Sunday, March 1, 2015
I have been thinking a lot about energy for several months now.
It started when I finally looked into what that "Dressing Your Truth" stuff was all about. I had been hearing people talk about it for years and I finally looked into it myself. I found it very interesting. Carol Tuttle says there are four energy types with unique characteristics and that we all have some of each of them in us but that one is dominant for of us and that when we dress in clothes whose colors, shapes, textures, etc. honor our dominant energy we will look our best and feel good about how we look.
I have had a lot of interesting conversations with family and friends about this over the last few months. Some people identify strongly with this and feel very much that one of these types fits them and this has been very helpful to them (and they look great, I think.) Others don't feel that any of the types fit them and/or that the type they are supposed to be is not them at all. I think it is probably more complicated than Carol makes it out to be: that there are more types of energies than just four, that perhaps it is more like an energy spectrum of some sort. I don't know. Over the years I have found the various personality-typing systems to be very useful/helpful in some ways but limiting in others and I feel the same way about this.
But it has been quite helpful to me. According to Dressing Your Truth, I am a type 2, which corresponds with the element of water. I identify quite strongly with the description of type 2s. And here's the thing: I have always been incredibly fashion-challenged and uncomfortable in most clothes. Well, I like the look of type 2 clothes. As I look back, the clothing items I have felt looked the best on me throughout my life have been type 2 styles and colors. So I am finding this very helpful. It has changed the way I look at fashion. Now when I look at clothes I look for type 2 styles and ignore the rest. Then from among the type 2 stuff I choose what appeals to me personally and what I know from experience will work on my atypical figure shape. This has given me a newfound fashion confidence that has been really exciting for me. Not that I really have any money for clothes right now, but I did need to buy a couple of items for my postpartum self and this made it easy and fun (and successful!) I am looking forward to building a type 2 wardrobe once I have met my weight loss goals.
This has also made me realize that it's okay that I don't like or want to wear certain things. Many popular fashion trends right now clash with my energy. For instance, chevrons. I just don't do chevrons. They are on Everything these days and I thought maybe they would grow on me after awhile. But they haven't. I find them as repulsive as ever. Well, now I understand that their high-contrast and sharp angles clashes with my energy and that's why I don't care for them. But I also understand that they go marvelously with some energy types and therefore many people will be drawn to them, will love them, and will look smashing wearing them. Now instead of thinking they are insane for liking something so repulsive I say chevrons are wonderful for them but not for me. And I don't need to feel bad about it.
But while I am feeling really good about the type 2 styles (soft and subtle) I really think this energy stuff is way deeper and more complicated than we can comprehend. It is connected to our spiritual nature, and spiritual matter is something that we simply do not even begin to understand. When it comes to matters of spirit, we are like blind people trying to comprehend color. Carol Tuttle is telling us that there is something called "red" and things called "yellow" and "blue" and "green," and we can understand that in theory, but the reality is so much richer and more complex.
The big epiphany I recently had though is that I think I have an intuitive gift when it comes to being aware of these things. I think I have a stronger-than-average sensitivity to these energies around us, whatever they really are. I think this is why I am so visually sensitive, like I talked about in my last post. I am drawn to things that harmonize with my energy and I am uncomfortable in environments that clash with my energy. I am highly sensitive to color and light. I have a really hard time with fluorescent light, for instance.
Over the last few days I have been thinking of more and more examples of experiences in my life where I reacted to the energy of people or objects or colors or whatever around me without realizing it at the time.
But is this really a unique gift of mine, or is it something we all have, we just don't realize it, but if we stopped and thought about it-- like I have lately-- we would see that it's a big part of how we all interact with the world without even knowing it?
I need to go to bed now... I told you I was going to babble and ramble. I am not entirely sure where I was even going with all this, and I doubt it makes much sense, and later on I might be embarrassed that I even put it on my blog, but it was therapeutic to try to get some of my thoughts into written words.