I have lots of thoughts and ideas running through my mind lately that I might be able to sort out if I write them down, so I am planning on writing several rambling, babble-y posts.
I have always had powerful creative urges, as well as a strong visual sensitivity. I really appreciate it when the things in my environment look good to me. Whether or not I feel that my surroundings are beautiful has a profound effect on my mood. Even small things-- like a pen or a pair of socks-- in my life that I find beautiful or appealing make me very happy. I don't know if this is a human thing or a woman thing or a genetic family thing, but it's a big deal to me.
Ever since I became an adult and had power over my own surroundings, I have had an extremely strong desire to live in a space that made me happy because it was an extension of myself, a physical representation of who I am inside. I love and aspire to deserve the title "homemaker" and to me that means I get to create a haven of love and beauty for my family. The idea of being able to do this is absolutely thrilling to me.
I love the William Morris quote: "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." YES. That is the kind of home I want to have.
But I have learned that having this kind of home is a struggle: something I have striven for over the years and never fully achieved. Sometimes that has frustrated me and sometimes it has caused me some pain.
I think I have lived in more houses than average at this point in my life. Perhaps if we had stayed put all these years I would be much closer to this ideal right now. As is, every time we move we end up getting rid of so much stuff. We have never had a lot of extra money for those kinds of things and so when we lose something beautiful we can't just run out and buy a new one. I have very few items of furniture or decor left at this point that I truly love.
I am really thrilled about the house that we are about to move into. It is very much Birrd-style-- in many ways it is the most Birrd-ish house we have ever had-- and that makes me so happy. It is the traditional two-story style that I love and that feels very homey to me. I don't know how long we will stay there but it looks like it will be a very long time as this will be the most stable job situation we have ever had. I can see me being happy in that house for years as I raise my children, and that is such a fun thing to think about.
And so I am dreaming of feathering this new nest. When I get there I will have no couch, no dining set, not enough dressers, and nowhere near enough bookshelves. Oh, and no money either.
I will have to wait and wait and wait and plan and dream and probably put up with an ugly cheap used couch etc. for awhile, but in time, with the little bits of money that I can spare here and there, I want to slowly acquire things that I absolutely love and that I have hand-picked to go in just the right spots in this house. After all this time and all these experiences with different homes over the years, I have a much better idea of what I want and what is most important to me. I am having such beautiful dreams right now of how to put each room together over time (and I am having such a wonderful time on Pinterest while I feed babies!)
I don't know why this is so important to me, but it is very very important to me. Some might say it is wrong to care so much about material things but my surroundings really do have a powerful effect on my mood. It is not that I want nice, fancy, new, expensive things. I don't care if they are old and used. I just need them to be what I consider beautiful. And then I am comfortable and happy in my home and then that radiates to the rest of the family.
This house is going to be such a wonderful canvas for my self-expression. It really is the house I have always wanted, and that is the perfect start. I don't know when I have been so excited about feathering my nest. I am really looking forward to this next chapter in my life.