Today I am going to attempt to be brutally honest without being too whiny or gloomy.
I feel like I am already a week overdue and when I think that I still have several weeks left I have a hard time staying positive sometimes, especially when I am feeling unusually yucky.
If it was just feeling incredibly big and awkward and ungainly that wouldn't be so bad. I can handle that pretty well by itself (though twins takes it to a new level.) Throw fatigue, nausea (every afternoon and evening), and insomnia on top of that and it gets a bit more challenging. But the icing on the cake is the problem I have had this entire pregnancy with feeling light-headed and like I can't even stand up or even sit up for lengthy periods of time. Not only do I feel lousy, but most of the time I am pretty much useless, and I hate that. And the smallest things can be so overwhelming.
I am doing a lot of things that help, like the A to B Calm I mentioned before. I still can't sleep, but it's not because of restless legs, and as a bonus I don't get leg cramps. Also, when I found out my iron was low a few weeks ago I picked up some Floradix and that really helped with one particular aspect of the fatigue: that feeling where I am drained down to my very bones and can barely lift my arms. Thanks to Floradix I am now just regular old tired, and that's a big improvement. I am experimenting to see if various forms of magnesium might help with the afternoon nausea.
And I have so many people to help me. My in-laws have been very understanding. My Badger is great. And the older kids can be helpful with fetching and carrying. I really don't know what I would do if I had to take care of and feed the kids on my own... I really couldn't do it. So I know it is such a blessing to have all this help and I am incredibly grateful.
I'm also grateful for excellent medical care and that the babies look healthy and my blood pressure has come back down (it was starting to creep up.) I may act like I am on bed rest much of the time but I am not actually on bed rest so when I do feel okay I can get up and do things and go places (though I seriously need to start using those electric wheelchair carts when I go to the store.)
I am grateful for the beautiful autum weather we've been having and how wonderful it has been to watch the leaves change first on the mountains and now down in the valley. It has done my soul good.
I am grateful that when I can't sleep at night I can get up and sit at the computer and work on digital scrapbooking. I am a little behind on our family chronicles and I know once the twins come it will be a long time before I can do much of that stuff. I enjoy it so much and I know it is valuable to our family.
This will pass. I like what my friend Shelley says: "Remember in the Book of Mormon everything came to pass. It didn't come to stay." These few weeks I have left seem like a long time, but they're really not. In fact, I had a conversation with my mother-in-law yesterday about how close it's getting and how we need to make sure we have diapers and clothes and stuff ready. It was fun to think about that. I bought a package of size newborn diapers at Walmart and it makes it all seem so much more real. The babies are coming. They will be here soon, and this trial will be over for me. I daresay there will be many new trials taking care of two infants, probably moving sometime fairly soon, etc. but I don't want to borrow trouble. Whatever the future holds, it is going to be a relief to have this stage behind us.