Thursday, September 25, 2014

The Blank

Last February,  I wrote a post called "Saturday night ramblings."   Toward the end I talked about how I had this big blank when I thought about the future,  a feeling that there were unexpected things ahead I just couldn't see. 

At the time, I was pretty sure there would be a pregnancy on the near horizon and I even had a bit of suspicion it might be twins.  But I had no idea how completely being pregnant with twins would wipe me out and how difficult it would be for our whole household.   So when that became apparent,  I thought, "aha, hence the blank feeling." 

And then this move.  Here we are trying to sort through all these boxes and get organized and it just blows my mind that three weeks ago life was perfectly normal with no sign of this (at least to me.)  Sorry if I go on about this... I am still getting over the shock. 

The future still feels blank though.   That's not surprising, since with the Badger looking for work we could go just about anywhere at any time, and it likely will be another crazy hairpin turn.  Which is a little hard to think about right now. 

And then there will be the reality of what it will actually be like to have twins.  I try to imagine how crazy, exhausting,  wonderful, and sweet it will be but you just can't fully imagine it until you're living it. 

So there will definitely be big changes ahead: these, plus perhaps others I can't see right now (and I suspect this is the case.)

But that's just life.   Nothing is ever certain.   Things can change in the blink of an eye. 

Last winter I was very aware of this and I would often in my prayers at night thank God for another ordinary, normal day where nothing too dramatic happened.   Life was very busy then (perhaps a little too busy) but I was so grateful for the stability and the routine.  I was especially grateful to go to bed every night with all the members of my family safe, well, comfortable, fed, and together.  

We are still safe, well, comfortable, fed, and together, and that is far more important than stable and spaciously housed.   I know that very well, especially as I watch people around me go through trials that make mine look like a case of hiccups.  I am very very grateful for that right now.  There is no guarantee it will last, and if it doesn't at least I can look back and know that I appreciated it while I had it, like how I feel good right now that I appreciated my life last winter while I had it. 

This is getting rambly and perhaps sounds a little gloomy, which I don't mean it to be.  So maybe I will just end by saying I know that with the help of the Lord I can get through whatever the big blank holds.  

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